It's begining to look

A lot like Christmas.

In these last moments

I plead to the maker for soverognty
for I have not been the best at who I am or what i've done
but I've sure as hell have been better than you

surely that's all that matters.

So
with this last breath I
spit in the faces of those who stare down;
cold eyes, hateful, and righteous--
you shouldn't forget that
I am
without a doubt
better than you.

That is all that matters.

Pop

Six

Squish

Uh uh

Cicero

Lipschitz

I'm one of those

people who are overly self-aware.  I don't think it can be called self actualization, such as the last step in Maslow's hierarchy of needs.. but it really feels to be that way.

But, staying true to his hierarchy, I can't possibly be self actualized because I can't get past the third or fourth need on his list. Although, I must take into account it's arguments that people can suffer more than one need at a time, rather than one over the other. Oh psychology.. how you confound me so.

After much silent deliberation with my inner argumentative self against my outer argumentative self.. I've come to realize something..

I am one of those seven year olds who absolutely despise change.  I just want the world to be something I've known and will alwys know.

I despise change, but I so desperately crave it.

I have some sort of mental claustrophobia, where I don't want to be trapped within my familiarities, but I don't like the uncertainties of the naked world...

I think that

I only love you because I have to.
Nature depicts my feelings.. I came from you, so I will always care
But given the chance,
If I could,
I would run away from you and your problems.
I can't fix you.
I won't fix you.
And I'm sorry you hurt, but you're hurting us, too.
Nature Forces me to love you,
But I don't have you like you, Mom.  I've never liked you, Mom.

I want you better.
Someday..
Someday you'll find someone who will save you but right this very moment
I can't do it
I can't deal with it
None of us can...

Fix yourself
run away and fix yourself
before you hurt the rest of us
to the point where we cannot
fix ourselves any longer.

Today is

a day of unremarkable practicality.

I find myself wondering if all days can be so similar.
Wasted.
Monotonous.
Same.

I've been told this world exsists as you make it
but I think that statement is entirely backwards.

This world shapes you and what you think you are.
We're powerless beings.

how sad.

It was

absolutely perfect.


















11/14/09

I realized that

I don't quite know
what my life consists of
when school isn't
open.
Which leaves me to wonder
what my life will entail
when school is
over.
complete..

work.
I know.
But school is something
that gives need and hope
to a better means of end..
work
is
monotonous. and
only ends
with
greed and the need
for more
green
paper.

So I wonder, on days like these
when class
isn't in session..

what will my life be
without the consistency and comfort of
learning

Homework

is something
that makes me feel
so small.
it's thinking
that I don't want to do
but I do it
for the sake of a letter
and the approval of a woman
I don't even
know.

NaNoWriMo is

consuming my life

and it's only

day three.

When I

sat in my computer chair just the other day
I watched my clock
as the time fell on midnight.

an hour later
it fell to midnight once more
(surely you knew that it was time to move the clocks)
but it suprised me..  it was midnight for two hours.

it seems to me that those are grounds for some strange revolutionary piece about horrors and the like pertaining to the time and how it repeated itself that one time...

Halloween

is over, but I don't mind..
it's my favorite holiday, but only because I can see the world enjoy what I enjoy every waking moment..

Strange clothing and merriment.
No candy though... shame.

Today I

Looked into the mirror
and
decided that I
hated what I saw.

so I think I will change.

It's funny how

music can make you relive so much of your long-repressed past...

So..

I looked out the window today and six very obese people sat beneath an apartment complex eating what seemed to be a 24cut pizza.
No one else was staring.. I felt a little odd.. watching them kill themselves.


God bless America.

I know that

no one is reading this, but oh well I say to that.

I think demons are real..
and I think they're not too bad..

and I think Lucifer could be an alright guy...
I don't know for sure.

But I won't think they're horrible things because a fictional piece said so, :)

Can you tell me..

...what the meaning of life is?
How could you?  You've lived only one life that you can recall and never mine.. You certainly cannot tell me.

I'm willing to bet that the majority of you claim it is love.

I hopelessly disagree.

These are my opening statements.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.