Lately..

From the corner of my eyes I'm seeing shadows
when I let my guard down, I'm feeling arms around me, so warm and familiar..
a scent I can't ever place will brush my senses;
my heart then skips a beat--
and I'm left breathless.
Completely and utterly breathless.
Then, I am filled with a sense that everything will be okay;
and tears of relief overflow from long-held compassion I've just waited to give.
I can close my eyes and I feel love from someone, somewhere.
I feel alive knowing that someday it'll all be right.
And to my loving stranger,
I do not yet know who you are, or where you will be when I find you
or rather, find you again-
but in the moment your ghostly arms become that coveted, solid embrace I've hungered for so long..
I know I'll have found sovereignty from myself.

I don't know

Who I am,
Who I am without you.

All I know is that i should.

I don't think that

I'm capable of loving someone.
Certainly, I love. I feel it. Strongly.
But I won't ever tell someone.
I won't ever let someone know.
Because on the off chance this stranger feels the same,
I couldn't bear hearing how he felt, which ever way that tide rushed in.

I can barely tell my family how I feel..
Or take hearing how they feel about me
The relief is so great that a tremendous rush of pain surges through me

and I cry so much

Medicine should help
but I see the hollow within my mother is trapped..
I want to be free
I want to live.

Another year
I cry
with this hidden inside my tedious breast..
holding my breath to stop the tears
I want to be happy, but it's commercial holidays like this that surface the pain.

This..

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far 

Because of you
I will never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid 

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I will never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid 

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I will never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid 

Because of you
Because of you

Just today it would seem

that justifiable competition has set foot in a tender area.
Now I mention that it might be, in fact, justifiable because of the events that transpired just some short while back.
However complacent I may behave
don't be fooled
I have a problem with it.
But you know this.  You know that I'm playing this game.  You're just ignoring what you see.

You're lies are excessive at best.  The truth has never escaped those lips to touch my ears in a distinctive manner so I'm not surprised.
So wait.
Because
I'm dangerously patient
and I always get
what
I
want.